Monday, December 19, 2005

A Revelation of Self-Infatuation

We dated for three years, and about two months ago he told me he wasn't in love with me anymore. At first I felt shocked and hurt, and I didn't really believe it. I kept telling myself and my best friends that he was bound to come crawling back. But now, looking back, I'm actually glad that it's over, because I deserve so much more than that. I deserve somebody who loves me just as deeply and intensely as I love him, and we just didn't have that anymore. I feel so much happier now, because before I was spending every day feeling hurt that he wasn't nice to me anymore, feeling confused because it seemed like nothing was the same, trying so hard to make it work, not letting myself see that I wasn't happy. Without even realizing it, I had actually been dreading spending the rest of my life with somebody who made me so miserable. I feel so free now, because now I can move forward. The next time I fall in love, I won't settle for someone who's tolerably attractive and returns my phone calls; it'll be someone who earns me. And in the meantime, I'll enjoy falling in love with myself all over again. Because somewhere along the line I lost track of how wonderful I really am, and I think it's important for me to rediscover that.

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