Wandering Sparkle: It's Hard Out Here for a Pimp

Monday, March 20, 2006

It's Hard Out Here for a Pimp

What I Love About Being Single:
The freedom to do whatever I please, whenever I please, with whomever I please.
The excitement and giddiness that comes along with meeting someone new.
Getting to know so many cool and interesting new guys, whether it works out or not.

What I Hate About Being Single:
The lonliness I feel when I remember that no guy gives a shit what I'm doing, or when, or with whom (at least no one whose feelings I worry about).
Getting my hopes up every time I meet someone who I think I could like, only to have him inevitably reveal some fatal flaw (a penchant for masturbating in front of me, a racist ideology, the fact that he lives in a tent, etc., to name a few I've encountered).
The tediousness of moving from guy to guy to guy, wondering when I'm going to find one who can make me happy.

I'm not hard to please. I'm low-maintenance, even. I'm cute and cheerful and intelligent (if I do say so myself). I love to laugh and eat and cuddle. And I guess the problem hasn't been so much that they're not interested in me. I get plenty of dates, and yeah there are a few who never called me again, but just as many who I certainly could have continued on with had I felt so inclined. I've just gotten to be a little picky.

You see, the thing is. I had a boyfriend for a very long time (3 years). It's a wonderful thing. Active sex life, compulsory cuddling, built-in best friend. But it didn't work out. Now that I've had something so seemingly blissful fail on me, I want to make sure the next guy I allow myself to fall head-over-heels for is...wonderful. Is that too much too ask? My life is already good, I'm happy as I am. And I refuse to settle for anybody who does anything less than improve it exponentially.

There's a guy I'm seeing now, and I do like him, but I feel like I'm almost just waiting...he's cleared all of the dealbreaker thresholds, and now I'm just waiting to see if he's wonderful. Am I expecting too much here? Or am I just setting standards on my time and happiness? In the meantime I'm trying to just enjoy the cuddling and oral sex, and if that's wrong then I just don't wanna be right.