Tuesday, June 20, 2006

and i know you know i'm fly

I think I've gotten quite accustomed over the last several months to getting what I want. The thing is, there hasn't been anything I've felt I just couldn't go without. Now, there is. I've found something I want pretty bad.

This is a strange feeling for me, to want somebody. It's been a long time, and I think that I like it. The problem is, that I don't yet have it. And I know it's not having what you want, it's wanting what you have, and I do want everything I've got. I'm happy. And I think I could be even happier, if maybe I just had this one thing.

So here's my big announcement, are y'all ready for this?

I think I'm gonna stop dating for a little while.

In my twisted logic, this seems like a good idea. Maybe it's a dysfunctional ideal of faithfulness to the object of my affection, or maybe an aversion to wasting energy pursuing guys who mean nothing to me when I've set my eyes on something much more significant. I'm gonna be giving up the free meals and frequent action for sitting around drinking beer and smoking pot with someone who makes me laugh, and makes me want something for the first time in ages.

So, even if I don't ever see this turn into what I think I would like it to be, I'll have taken from it a reality check--dating is about quality, not quantity (unless you're in it for the free food, which I half was, so I feel justified). What's the point of having three dates a week if I want none of them?

There's one that I want now. It's too bad we're not dating by any means. We're friends. And I don't think he has any idea how I feel, or maybe he does. Ironically, I think I like him too much to risk something as foolish as telling him.

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