Saturday, June 24, 2006

where the fuck is my muse

I was sitting here, feeling frustrated that I didn't have anything to post about. I would write a few sentences, then delete it, stare at the screen, start over. I got up and went to the kitchen, staring into the fridge, searching for inspiration. No dice. I decided to take a nap on the couch.

The next thing I knew, my dad was there, telling me the water was coming up fast at my grandpa's house and we had to do what we could to get everything up. I rushed with him to help, but I was confused and disoriented, and I'm afraid I wasn't of much help. We quickly returned to my apartment along with my mom and sister and several members of my extended family to seek shelter from the fast approaching storm. (There's a storm in the gulf? I had no idea. This is a déjà vu of Katrina.)

My apartment was crowded and I was still a little confused, but I thought to myself, "Oh my gosh, I need to write about this," so I found myself a place on the couch with my laptop and got going. Just then my dad came and sat next to me with a bowl of instant macaroni and cheese, which he offered me because the sauce had turned out too thin for him. I realized I was starving and accepted gratefully, but being the klutz that I am, spilled the thin cheese sauce all over my laptop. I freaked out and began wiping it up, and suddenly my dad and I are fighting about it, screaming at each other over cheese sauce. This is all nonsense, I'm so confused.

I went into the dining room where my mom and some nonspecific female members of my family were. They were talking about my parents' recent decision to divorce. I tried to force the fog from my mind, struggling to process this information, as it was news to me. I think I decided it was just too much for me at that time, and so I moved to my bedroom, where some of my cousins and my sister were sitting. They were discussing the hurricane, something else which quickly proved to be far beyond my capacity for understanding at the moment, and so I retreated into myself, feeling frustrated.

Then suddenly, my phone is ringing, and I'm struggling through the black fog to find it. I'm back on my couch, alone in the apartment, Modern Marvels educating me in my sleep. Someone's inviting me to go sit by the pool and drink beer.

It took me a moment to process that there was, in fact, no hurricane headed right for us in a repeat of Katrina, no impending divorce of my parents, no cheese sauce on my laptop, and no relatives taking over my apartment. For about half a second I was actually disappointed--it would have made a great post.


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