Monday, August 14, 2006

smitten

This is the girl who said she wasn't ready for a relationship, who said she was hell bent on staying single well into grad school, who said he was nothing more than a good time and a meal ticket. This is the girl who dated twelve guys in six months and didn't let a single one get close enough to even think about uttering the words "I love you." And now, now everything's changing, and I never thought I'd say this, but I'm excited about it. I'm excited about football season and tickle fights and squeezing each other in between class and work and friends, about watching him graduate this semester, making plans for the future...building a relationship out of the stuff college life is made of. I'm turning what started out as a horrible night in a crowded bar into something worthy of mentioning to my grandparents.

In a way it feels like déjà vu, getting back into all those same couple routines less than a year after the last one ended. But I know that this boy's different, and I'm different, and I'll never let myself get back to where I used to be. I remind myself to remember my mistakes, and never let that happen to me again.

And I know this is stupid, but I'm not even holding my breath, waiting for disaster. I'm sick of being too scared to jump. I'm trusting myself, and him. And it feels so good.

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