I get that a lot

There was this guy that I dated on and off during my eight months of serial single escapades. I mentioned him in this post, but I don't think I ever went into any of the details.

His name was Justin, and he was, hands down, the weirdest guy I have ever dated.

On the surface, he was ideal. He was a cheerleader for LSU, which automatically entails powerful muscles and All-American good looks. On top of that, he was very intelligent, well-traveled, and spoke sveral languages fluently. Little did I know, however, that beneath the polished exterior lay a stranger truth.

This guy was a straight up freak. He had a habit of inviting me over and then taking all of his clothes off while we watched TV, then beginning to masturbate until I could be cajoled to join him. Next thing I knew, he was rubbing his penis between my buttcheeks. Face in pillow, I considered my options and decided to stay. If he wanted to go for full-blown anal, I'd probably have ample time to stop him, and at least I wasn't having to do any of the work. On another occassion, I was ambushed by an impromptu and uninvited salad tossing. Before I could protest, it was over and he had moved onto some other exotic sexual exercise.

He hated that I smoked, but instead of saying, "I'm sorry, I don't date smokers," he attempted to engage in various sex acts with me while never actually kissing my mouth. When I caught on I said, "Let me get this straight. You want me to suck your dick, but you don't want to kiss me." He nodded eagerly, pleased that I understood. I told him that's what prostitutes do and began to gather my clothing. I guess he quickly evaluated his priorities (a severe case of blue balls vs. kissing a smoker) because he begged me not to go and began kissing me passionately. I figured I was already half naked and decided to stay.

Like watching bad reality TV, I continued to engage him out of burning curiosity to see what would happen next. We only dated casually and I never actually had intercourse with him, but stories of his various quirks certainly made good fodder for girls night out. Shortly before he left to teach English to kids in South Korea for a year, I met Nick. I told Justin I couldn't see him one last time before he left because I was dating someone and it was getting serious. A couple of times since he came back to the States he's called or sent me a message on facebook, but I haven't ever replied. I thought he just wanted to hook up, and I was obviosuly still in a relationship.

This morning, more than a year and a half since I last saw him, he sent me a text message.

Justin: I miss u and want u real bad
Me: Are you serious?
Justin: Well, i just fantasize a lot about u. I remember being an ass bcuz u smoked. But i miss spanking ur cute booty and kissing ur body
Me: Well that's very flattering, but I am in a committed relationship now with someone I love.
Justin: Im glad ur in luv and said it nicely

And so, another element is added to the story of the strangest guy I ever let see me naked.

posted by Just Call Me Fabulous @ 12:28 PM