Friday, September 08, 2006

feeling the burn

I'm all about getting out of my comfort zone this week.

Spinning class began on Wednesday. My instructor turned out the lights and cranked up the music. It was very "just you and the bike." She warned us about "saddle soreness," but why in God's name they fit those bikes with the most uncomfortable seats known to man is beyond me. Some very sensitive areas have been bruised. My muscles aren't sore, but I wince every time I sit. You get the idea.

Continuing on my commitment to physical fitness, today is the first day of tennis. I've got my racket, my shoes (yes, I had to buy sneakers. I haven't bought shoes with laces in a good three years), and my die-hard determination. As the tennis skirt is a very important purchase in the life of Charlotte (appearance while playing tennis is of the utmost importance) and Academy didn't have a satisfactory selection of apparel, the much-anticipated tennis skirt has not yet been purchased. When I buy a tennis skirt it will be beautiful and perfect, the stuff dreams are made of. The skirt is the rock my tennis church is built on, my main motivation for picking up the sport. I refuse to settle on any lesser garment.

And finally, here we go...(take a deep breath)...I'm quitting smoking. I haven't had more than three in a day at all this week (that's down from a minimum average of ten a day). I'm gradually cutting back, protecting myself from temptation by leaving them at home while at work or school. I'm a total bitch by midafternoon, itching for oral fixation and a nicotine fix like it's heroin, but hopefully it's a temporary side effect.

I've never been healthy or athletic in any sense. I'm the most uncoordinated person I know, the kid who always got picked last for kickball. I drink, I smoke various substances, I eat Jack In The Box like it's my job. I sit while I brush my teeth because I'm too lazy to stand. If it requires physical exertion and doesn't involved hedonistic pleasure, I usually don't want anything to do with it. But here I am, drinking Slim Fast, riding a fucking bike in a darkened room with an overly energetic stranger urging me on, letting my boyfriend teach me to run around hitting a ball with an oddly shaped stick, and giving up my beloved cigarettes...And all for what? Because I weigh 125 and would rather weigh 110? Because my boyfriend wants me to quit smoking? Or is it just because I'm sick of being lazy?

I can't treat my body like shit and stay reasonably healthy forever. One of these days, I'm going to get fat. And one of these days, I'm going to get cancer. I might as well stop being such a hedonistic fuck while I'm ahead.

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