Wednesday, October 18, 2006

last November was a bitch

It occurs to me that we're quickly approaching that time of year in which the event which sparked the creation of this blog occured. I think often about how much myself and my life have changed in the past year, and I feel very proud about it. I spent three of the most formative years of my life in a relationship that I didn't anticipate an end to. I never would have guessed a year ago that I'd be where I am now, and yet I'm so very glad to be here.

Someone did me a favor by breaking my heart, essentially kicking me out of a dysfunctional behavioral pattern that I was desperately clinging to. I took a look around at my life and realized that the loss of the relationship had blown apart a tenuously constructed facade barely hiding a fairly miserable existence. I had a lot of work to do, and I was doing it alone. I made some changes, had some fun, and grew up a lot.

I dated no less than eleven guys in six months. I went out almost every night, blew way too much money on fun, and smoked perhaps a bit too much pot, but it was good for me. I lightened up a bit, opened my eyes, tried to stop living the way I had been.

And now? Now I'm fifteen hours away from graduating, I've got a better job than I did before, and a plan for my future that's not entirely dependent upon the presence of any male in particular, or whatsoever. I've got a hell of a lot more friends, a smile on my face that I actually mean, and a sense of myself as an adult. Last but not least, I've got a new relationship that, while not perfect, I'm extremely happy with and am able to view in more realistic terms than the last one. I've learned that projected happiness isn't what matters, it's happiness within.

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, and I most certainly did not let that kill me. Having a boy break my heart was the best thing that ever happened to me.

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