Thursday, July 06, 2006

having sex like a man

I fell off the wagon last night, my friends.

I decided to hell with this abstinence thing, and back to dating. I wanted a date, and I wanted one right then, like an addict needing a fix. I thought it was terribly unjust that I couldn't call up some adoring chap to take me out that very night. Scrolling through my phone, I came across this guy, who has been calling me pretty much incessantly since we met trying to get me to go out with him, with no response whatsoever on my part.

I stopped, thought, what's the harm? I'm hungry.

I figured, if there's one way for me to get this guy back for treating me like a sex object, it's to take complete and total advantage of his desire. Let him buy me food, let him buy me drinks. Let him try his damnedest to get me to sleep with him, all to no avail.

So he bought me dinner, bought me drinks, showed a valiant effort to make intelligent conversation despite his limited capabilites (okay, perhaps I'm being a little harsh. He's not dumb, he's just very obviously trying to have sex with me).

A few hours later, I got mine--and it was quite good, might I add--stretched complacently, yawned, and rolled over to sleep, leaving homeboy high and dry. It was very Carrie-esque, turning the tables on toxic bachelors and all, and it was awesome.

I went to sleep with a smile on my face, and he wants to know when he can see me again. Oh, this is going to be fun.

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