Tuesday, October 24, 2006

my life is terribly unjust

I went to Houston this weekend and all I got was a bladder infection.

Well, that's not completely honest. I also got drunk. And I learned a lot. But me dancing in a hotel bar to "Born on the Bayou" is not one of my prouder moments of the weekend, so I'll move on to something much more interesting--my bladder.

The medicine for the "bacteria party" in my bladder (as the doctor so eloquently put it) makes my piss turn day-glo orange. It looks like tang, or orange food coloring, and it's rather creepy. I'm not used to associating the color of my urine with food products.

In other news, I've been considering hiring a personal assistant for some time now. Some of you may think this is a bit pretentious of me, but I consider it a vital need. I decided to recruit my sister, since she's poor and will do anything for money (give her a call sometime and see just how far she'll go--just kidding...mostly), but she was a bit reluctant.

I begged and begged until she agreed, then told her the first thing I needed her to do was make me a shirt for my Halloween costume. When she refused I fired her. She responded by saying, "Well, I'm sorry this didn't work out."

So I'm back to square one, with orange piss and still no personal assistant.

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