Monday, January 08, 2007

managed care covered insight

Between me and them, I know at least one of us has got to be crazy, and I decided I was ready to find out once and for all whether it's me.

So today was my first step in unraveling the dysfunctional familial dynamic that seems to unexplicably bring me to tears any time I'm compelled to discuss it. I learned a thing or two this afternoon about passivity. I've known somewhere inside for a while that the solution lies not in "fixing" them, or trying to change the things that they do, or telling them over and over and over again how I feel. I've been using "I" language like a pro, delicately expressing my feelings in a manner designed to minimize conflict, hoping that they'll hear what I'm saying clearly and rationally, but it just doesn't work. And no matter how much the experts say it's an effective mode of resolving conflict, if it doesn't work with them, it doesn't work, and I've got to move on to something new.

I've got to stop bitching about how it's not fair, it's not healthy, it should be different, and just work around it. I can't fix them. I can't change them. They're going to do and say whatever they want, whether I think it's right or not. If I ever want any peace, I've got to stop whining and be the bigger person. Even if it not fair.

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