Thursday, February 08, 2007

full circle

Remember this guy?

It started yesterday with an early morning email, "I need you to call me," and a phone number. Worried, I nervously dialed the number, and there it was, that voice I hadn't heard in at least three years. He said my voice sounded different, I sounded so grown up. I thought his voice sounded different too--he sounded so strung out.

His live-in girlfriend dumped him and his heart is broken. I figured he was socially isolated and needed a friend, so we talked. But I can't drop everything in my life to be there for an ex-boyfriend that I hear from only periodically and haven't seen in years. I had plans for the evening, so I said I had to go. He sounded hurt, but I wasn't budging. A few minutes later, the boundary was crossed with a simple text: "I miss u," and later, "I still love u. I want to be with u."*

When I was seventeen I would have killed for this. All I wanted was to be with him forever and ever. To fix him and love him and have cute little babies together someday. But I grew up. I'm not the same girl he knew back then, and my bad-boy phase is long gone. I've fallen in love again--twice. He was my first love, but he most certainly was not my last. Sometimes it's best that our dreams don't quite work out as planned.

*It seems that if you were going to attempt to win back the affection of a long-lost ex-girlfriend, particularly if she has gone to college and you got your GED in jail, you would make the extra effort to spell out your words completely, even if they are three whole letters long.

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